Carol Porter
Losing someone in such a senseless, preventable way is so painful. One moment you are here and the next your gone.
My grandma had her whole life planned out for her and my grandfather. She never left anything undone, always making sure no one had to worry. She was extremely organized, especially with her many “To Do” lists, and if you know me you know where I get my stacks of unorganized lists from. Grandma documented everything, from what she bought or did to her finances, down to the smallest details, always making sure everything was in order. She also taught me to never buy anything without a coupon or a sale unless it was something we needed and couldn’t live without.
When my sister and I were babies, my dad would bring us to Florida to visit our grandparents. I don’t remember much from those early trips, but they were the start of so many special memories. As we got older, my sister and I began traveling to Florida on our own to visit. At first, it was scary, and we would get homesick, but I’ll never forget my grandma saying, “It’s your choice to mope around the house, or you can go do something fun.” At the time, I thought it was a little rude, but she was right, like always. Eventually, we warmed up to traveling alone, and I never regretted our time together. Any fears I had were always outweighed by the joy of spending time with my grandparents. Those visits became some of my favorite memories and the start of many life lessons that I use every day.
As life got busier my visits to Florida slowed down, but that never changed how much I loved my grandparents or how special our times were together was. There were many emails, postcards, phone calls, and handwritten letters, the kind you don’t see anymore. We always looked forward to hearing from Grandma and Grandpa, especially receiving handwritten letters in the mail. Those letters were eventually passed down to her great-grandchildren, who were always so excited to receive Grandma’s mail that they would write back and send a reply that same day.
I have so many beautiful memories with her, especially the many trips to the beach. My grandma and grandpa would sit at a picnic table in the shade while I tanned with no sunscreen, and Grandpa would always say, “I’m going to give you my dermatologist’s card.” Grandma would send Grandpa to take my picture because I had no one else to do it. One day, while driving home from the beach, we saw a waterspout over the ocean. I was panicking in the back seat, but Grandma stayed calm, like always. She pulled over and said, “Let’s get out and look at it.” I asked, “What am I supposed to hold onto?” and she just smiled and said, “Don’t worry, it’s not going to touch land.”
We did so much together, trips to the clubhouse, silent movies, Disney World, Busch Gardens, and museums. She always had an itinerary, always organized, always making sure we made the most of every day and that my sister and I were happy. Our dinners out were full of laughter. Once a waitress said, “My pleasure,” and Grandma smiled and said, “Oh, she’s getting a tip.” Something so small meant so much to her. Manners and words go a long way, and I’ll never forget that. Grandma noticed and appreciated politeness, little acts of kindness, and the way people treated each other. Whenever I hear someone say, “my pleasure,” I think of her and the lessons she taught me about noticing the small, thoughtful gestures.
Grandma also shared life lessons during these meals:
1. Always use the bathroom when the bill comes.
2. If there’s something on your plate you don’t like, say you’re allergic.
3. Never forget to have potato chips with your lunch.
Grandma taught me to accept help and be thankful for it. When someone offers help or a gift, it comes from a place of kindness, and it’s polite to accept it.
She taught me not only how to eat out properly, but also how to eat at home properly. She showed me how to set a table. I might not remember every detail, but I’ll never forget that the drink goes on the right, the bread on the left, and when you’re done eating, your fork rests on your plate.
She even taught me to knit. I got bored quickly and tried to act interested, but she never stopped teaching me. She was always patient, even if she went over the same thing a million times. Over the years, she taught her great-granddaughter how to knit and crochet, and she picked it up quickly. Watching her with her great-grandchildren was one of the most special things to see. They adored her and my grandfather and more than anything, they felt safe with them.
Grandma was incredibly talented. She could knit, needlepoint, do Bunka, weaving, and even Tai Chi. She made blankets for everyone even my dogs! She could have started her own business with all the blankets and crafts she made, but instead, she passed it all down to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Some of my first Florida memories I’ll never forget: our first milkshakes from Steak ’n Shake, Dairy Queen stops on the way to or from the beach, looking for alligators, and so many other little adventures. I’ll miss our lunches by the beach, her big jugs of iced tea sitting on the counter at night, and Grandma telling Grandpa to get the camera. Yes, my grandma could be a little bossy, but that bossiness shaped us into who we are today and is probably why I can be bossy too. Everything she did came from love, and there was always a reason behind what she said and did, even if we didn’t understand it at the time.
Grandma also reminded me to watch what I post on social media because HR is always paying attention. Back then, I didn’t understand why she said that, but now I do. Grandma knew that things we say online can be taken the wrong way, and once something is out there, it can’t be taken back. Your reputation is about protecting yourself. Looking back, I realize this was another way she guided me, teaching me to be responsible and mindful in everything I do.
She always reminded us that even if we fail, we should never give up. She never got upset when we stumbled or made bad decisions. Instead, she encouraged us to keep going and look forward, not back. I often hear the same words from my father, and I instantly think of my grandma. I know she was the one who taught my dad the lessons he now teaches his children and grandchildren.
I’ll always remember waking up every morning in Florida to a bowl of perfectly cut fruit and Grandpa’s coffee. I looked forward to my breakfasts, and when I returned home, I tried to follow the same routine just to remind myself of those mornings and how special they were.
Over the years, my grandmother and grandfather would rent a cottage for the family to all get together and make memories. Life can get busy, but these trips were another way for Grandma to bring the family together. Getting everyone together can be hard, but with my grandparents around, it was natural. I’ll never forget the time at the cottage when my grandmother said to her great-grandson, “Now, Brody, there’s something special in the freezer. I need you to go to the freezer, open it up, and look inside.” If you knew her great-grandson, you’d know he doesn’t open easily to just anyone. But Grandma had something special about her, her voice, her calmness, the way she listened, her presence. He just felt safe with her.
Anyone who had the chance to meet my grandma was truly blessed. She was a beautiful soul who always encouraged me to be my best self. She pushed me to follow my dreams and even inspired me to go back to school to upgrade my nursing, always believing in me. I know she is proud of me, and I know I’m making her proud too.
Grandma, everyday I try to live out the legacy you have created, a life full of kindness, love, and thoughtfulness. I’ll carry her lessons, her laughter, and her love with me every day. Thank you, Grandma, for your love, your lessons, and the joy you brought into my life and especially into my grandpa’s life. You showed me how even the smallest moments can matter, and I hope I can live even a fraction of the life that you lived.
